


The House Is Glass

by Hawkogirl



Series: Snatchertown AU [9]
Category: Asagao Academy: Normal Boots Club, Hidden Block (Video Blogging RPF), NormalBoots
Genre: :D, Angst, Cults, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Gen, Ghosts, M/M, Magic, Magical System that is stunningly well thought out, Obsessive Love, Past Abuse, Pre-Relationship, Some Fluff, Supernatural Elements, Thanks coco ily, Unhealthy crushes?, Violence, i guess you could call it that, mutations, untraditional yandere-ism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2020-11-28 01:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20958359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkogirl/pseuds/Hawkogirl
Summary: Jeff's trying to balance college, his weird ghost friend, the cult in the woods, and his best friend who's becoming increasingly clingy and strange.Cardinal wants a nap, people he knew in his life to not come back from the dead, and this kid to stop pestering himDean wants his fucking friends to tell him things and maybe to remember himCaddy wants to be taken seriously and to know what the hell is going on (nobody does)





	1. It's An Illusion

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> Chapter and Work title from House Of Glass by Cage the Elephant. For the love of god listen to it.
> 
> Also a good pal of mine (yellow----daisy.tumblr.com) helped with chapter 1

  
  


He thought he might want to grab some food before he caught the next bus. It’s almost four hours from here to the region of New York he’s looking for, so if he doesn’t plan to starve, dinner seems like a good idea. Maybe grab some snacks too.

Wendy’s seems like it’s on the safer end of what someone as young as he is can walk into alone, so he crossed the street and pried the door open. 

No one was there and if there was it was one person in a corner he couldn't see. Just what he needed. Total silence. He sighed and walked up to the counter. He ordered what he wanted and went to get a drink from the fountain. Once he got that he sat down and waited for his order to be called. He rested his chin in his arms as he waited, thinking to himself. 

It was a little ridiculous, to be honest. A little being a complete understatement. Yeah, it was just a  _ little  _ ridiculous that a bunch of his friends disappeared out of the fabric of reality. It was just a teensy weensy bit weird that not a soul had a clue what happened. Just a smidge strange that he’d found an article a few weeks later.

An article that made one of his vanished friends out to be an adult, or rather someone who’d been an adult in the 70’s, who’d died and become an urban legend. That apparently, his friend was a mutant ghost who just hung around in the finger lakes region of New York state.

He dug deeper. It began to seem like a piece of widely accepted urban folklore more than a troll website. He saw photos and stories. Call him crazy, but he needed to check it out. 

He dug deeper and deeper but this mystery was more confusing than any tomb he explored. Nothing added up. He couldn't come up with a single conclusion. He blamed himself when his friend first disappeared, but now he blamed himself more for not being able to figure it out. What's worse was he couldn't tell anyone, or rather refused to, and he was too far away from his boyfriend. He couldn't comfort him in person, which was a lot better than through a screen. Speaking of, maybe he should call him. 

The exhausted-looking teenage girl running the register called his name. Not now. Maybe when he was back on the bus.

He grabbed his food and returned to the cushioned seats of the stall he was sitting in, much softer than any of the bus seats. Three people from his club, those two girls Normal Boots hung around, and… three? He was committing to three, as awful as the idea of forgetting someone was, people from Normal Boots itself. And who knows how many other students from around the school. Didn’t a few people from the soccer team vanish?

This was the only lead he had, and he didn’t want to give up the chance to discover more. 

He ate his food as fast as he could without getting sick. Once he was finished, he threw away his trash and decided maybe he could ask the people around about this "snatcher". He asked the cashier first, but she didn't know anything. He thanked her anyway and went to the bus stop and wait for the bus while hopefully getting some information. 

It was worth the chance, even if he was 4 hours away from the town the strange ghost seemed to be well known around. The town was small for a college town, though seemed pretty nice. Maybe the small population was how word of this being traveled so fast…

He checked his watch. Five minutes until the train. He hoped the half-eaten bag of chips and whatever m&ms he hadn’t found since he spilled the entire fucking bag into his backpack would carry him over until he could collapse into his hotel bed in Subcon town.

Once the bus arrived, he hurried on and made sure he sat alone. He debated on calling his boyfriend, but he was too tired and decided to nap on the bus. He could call him at the hotel. Halfway through his nap, he started to see images of his missing friends. He eventually woke up with a heavy jolt as he realized it was a nightmare. He was wide awake now and upset. Maybe he should call him now...that would make him feel a lot better. 

It took him a while to answer and when he did he looked extremely tired.

_ "H….hello?" _ He said rubbing his eye.

"Hey! I didn't wake you up did I?"

_ "....nooooo."  _ His boyfriend clearly lied, causing him to laugh.

"I know how late it is over there. I just wanted to call you to see what was up." He was a much better liar than the man on the screen.

_ "Oh."  _ He yawned.  _ "Ok. There's not much. Same as normal. Lot more lonely though." _

"Same here. But I'll be back soon!" The two began to talk the entire rest of the bus ride and even a little more when he made it to his hotel. The call ended when his boyfriend fell asleep mid-call. He rolled his eyes and hung up, sending a quick I love you via text before heading to his room. 

He threw his backpack onto the chair in the corner, slid his suitcase into the corner, and collapsed into bed, beginning to just stare at the ceiling, trying to pretend it was the same color as the ceiling at Asagao. 

It didn’t work. 


	2. Coming To See The Sun Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff visits Cardinal.

The chill of fall had finally come upon them. 

The trees scattered along the edges of sidewalks were slowly turning red, yellow, and brown, leaves more often on the grass or sidewalk thaen actual trees, causing many students the disappointment of seeing a leaf that should crunch, and did not, in fact, crunch. Sad. Tragic. 

Cold winds foretelling the next season blew through campus constantly. Jeff did not have a problem with this. It was a lot easier to cover blue scaled arms and tiny fins when everyone was wearing jackets and he didn’t have to just pretend he was cold. He  _ was _ cold. Everyone was cold.

...He wondered if Cardinal handled the cold alright. He didn’t know how warm that coat was, but he wore it all the time, and Jeff had seen he didn’t need to wear it. Was he cold? Did his cabin stay warm? 

If Jeff didn’t find out he might die. He might die and live out his days as a ghost with Cardinal. 

He might have overprepared for this. The thought that Cardinal might actually be freezing cold kept sticking in his mind. 

That's how two blankets ended up shoved in his bag and he left the house with a thermos of hot chocolate clutched in one hand.

He only hoped that Cardinal could actually drink. 

“Jeff?” He almost spilled hot chocolate on himself before he turned from the door. Austin was staring at him from the table, puppy dog eyes on in full force. How long had Austin been there? Just… staring? “Are you… leaving again?”

Shit. He’d noticed. Actually, how hadn’t Jeff thought of someone noticing he was leaving so often? He did this once or twice a week, how wouldn’t someone wonder?

“Uh, yeah, why?” There were probably better tones to use to calm any suspicion. 

Austin frowned, eyes flicking down towards the table. “I-uh-just wish you stuck around more, ya know? I miss getting to hang out with you and play games back in high school.” He frowned and messed with his hands a bit. “We haven’t hung out much since you got here. I miss you.”

Oh. It wasn’t Austin noticing he’d been wandering off to do who knows what, it was… something that made him honestly feel horrible.

Fuck, he had been neglecting his friend, hadn’t he? 

But, he did need to go right now. The time between his last few visits had seen a sudden drop in temperature. He wanted to know if Cardinal is ok.

“Uh, you’re totally right, I’ve been neglecting our friendship and that’s pretty shitty of me. I really understand why you feel this way, I haven’t been the best friend recently; it’s been overwhelming and stuff.” He winced. “It’s gonna sound like I don't actually want to fix this, but I really do have something I need to do right now. Are you doing anything Friday night, we can hang out like back in high school.”

Austin’s face lit up. “You sure?” 

“Yeah, I should be done with everything by around six.”

He grinned. “Alright! Yeah, that sounds great!”

About ten minutes later, Jeff was able to pull out of the parking lot and head towards the forest he was becoming more familiar with by the day.

  
  
  


Cardinal was cautious, Jeff knew, but this seemed excessive even for him. He saw the distinct yellow eyes peer at him from a space between the door and the wall that was mostly covered by… something. Instead of just allowing Jeff to enter the modest wood building after that, there was a rustle of who knows what being shoved to the side before he heard the door creak open and Cardinal stared at him for several awkward seconds that felt like minutes.

And then the door was flung open like a screen door in a hurricane with a force that caused Jeff to flinch backward and become amazed the door didn’t detach itself from the building and run off, amazed by its new freedom, to write it’s bestselling memoir about being the door to an isolated log cabin owned by a mutant ghost. 

The fear and anxiety etched into Cardinal’s face was the only thing Jeff could process before the ghost tugged him into the house with stunning strength, pulled the door shut, and began moving the table and two chairs back to their spot barricading it.

Wait. What? Barricade? 

“Are you alright?” Jeff asked gently, finally causing Cardinal’s eyes to snap away from staring vacantly at the pile of furniture.

“Compared to the general level of not ok that I constantly am, I am doing,” He straightened up. “Fucking terrible.”

Jeff hesitated before offering one hand to Cardinal, which the ghost didn’t hesitate to accept and use to pull the other into an embrace and bury his face into Jeff’s shoulder, soft, somewhat quick breaths that made it seem like he was close to tears warm on Jeff’s cold neck. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Cardinal shook his head, still trying to bury himself in Jeff’s shoulder. Muffled sniffs made their way to Jeff’s ears and he pulled the ghost closer, pulling them both towards the couch.

As Cardinal disentangled himself from Jeff, leathery palms remaining on Jeff’s, making his heart flutter, he remained closer than Jeff would expect him to usually. Jeff shoved the thermos of hot cocoa into his hands. “Uh, I hope you can drink that. I don’t really know how you work but I thought you’d be kinda cold staying out here on your own.”

“I can.” He carefully articulated, as if he was worried he’d stutter, blinking down at the gray insulated bottle. “Thanks.”

He took a sip and blinked, taking another before looking back at Jeff, thermos held in his lap. “Really, thanks.”

“No problem.” He scooted closer. “You know, what makes being dead different from being alive?”   
  


“Don’t have to eat or drink. Still have to sleep, which sucks. I think I’m hurt more easily, but I can heal from anything. If someone tries, they can push their hands through me. It doesn’t feel great though, so don’t try it.” He paused to take another sip of cocoa. “I am see-through. I think that goes without saying.” He goes quiet for a moment. “I think I’m kinda bound to this forest. I get really sick if I’m gone for more than a few hours.”

“You’ve left?”

Cardinal’s expression darkened. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jeff went quiet, birdsong and the ambiance of wind in the trees the only things that interrupted the silence. Unexpectedly, Cardinal was the one to break it.

“Tell me about your life.”

Jeff blinked. “Wait, why? It’s probably really boring to you.”

Cardinal laughed. “Being able to do things is exciting and revolutionary to me. I want to know, dude. And I need even the tiniest bit of normalcy right now.”

“Hold on, I got blankets.” It wasn’t his place to dig into Cardinal’s words. However, he could still provide comfort in any way he could. It was the least he could do for someone he cared about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please consider leaving comments and kudos


	3. You Could Almost Imagine It Didn't Just Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Austin finds things out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from obsession by ok go
> 
> a lot of this probably happened in the two older unrequited spacebutter things but this is the actually canon one ok

If Jeff had somehow not noticed how completely, utterly, hopelessly, in love Austin was with him, it was a fucking shock. 

How couldn’t he have, anyway, it was so obvious. He wasn’t sure if it was possible Jeff  _ hadn’t  _ noticed. 

After all, Austin had become as much of a lovesick idiot as your average teen rom-com protagonist. Staring, awkward blushing, fantasies of kissing in the moonlight after a dramatic declaration of love, expressions of the crush that ended up failures in one way or another, being completely incapable of thinking of anything but him…

That was all normal to happen during a crush. 100% normal. Every single one.

Therefore, it was completely, definitely natural for Austin to want to know where Jeff went all the time. Not just those evenings where he practically phased himself out of existence for several hours, but in general. It was absolutely normal for Austin to want to know where Jeff was. It was considered cute when it happened on TV, so it was fine, right?

At least, he told himself that.

He told himself that to justify following Jeff. He and Jeff had been hanging out just the previous night, they were friends. Best friends, just like in high school, at the academy in Japan. And you couldn’t be stalked by your best friend. It was following. Out of care. Because Austin cared. And he was worried. Just worried.

His worry felt more… absolute when he saw Jeff turned towards the forest. Subcon Forest. The forest containing Austin’s biggest fear. The forest containing one specific violent ghost man. That forest. 

Freezing momentarily, he mentally convinced himself that it was going to be fine. Even if it had something to do with the Snatcher, he would be fine. He could be Jeff’s knight. This would be fine. 

Jeff was almost out of sight by the time he got himself together and pulled into the parking lot, or rather, the heap of gravel dotted with the green stalks of grass growing through that was supposed to be a parking lot. A lot. Used for parking. 

At this point, it was hard to convince himself that the Snatcher wasn’t involved. Oh, god, what if Jeff had made a deal with the ghost? At least that meant Jeff wasn’t… dead… but also, fuck! That was terrible! What could even be done about that? He was right wasn’t he, this was what could happen when he didn’t keep track of Jeff. This is why he was right, they needed to be together. 

Fear was twisting into something different. 

The leaves crunched away underfoot, a blend of orange, red, yellow, brown, and the occasional green that he found himself barely noticing. Barely processing that making a ton of noise might not be the best way to go about this. 

That was until he ran out of breath. Wow. Way to be in shape, Austin. 

He ended up walking the rest of the way, wishing he had brought a hoodie or jacket or anything to keep the autumn cold from biting into his skin, wishing Jeff hadn’t made it so damn far, wondering where the hell his friend and hopefully future more-than-friend was. 

Glancing upwards, he noticed the thick gray clouds that made it seem much later than it was and much darker than it should be. He exhaled, watching the small cloud of his breath disappear into the air. 

Were those voices? 

Jeff? 

…And someone else. Someone who could be… 

He turned in several full circles, gazing at the trees, the various shades of brown surrounding him, the lumpy blanket of fall colors he stood on, the twisted, textured, gnarled arms and hands of tree branches cutting through the dull gray of the cloudy sky. He couldn’t tell where the voices were coming from. And he couldn’t tell if the other was exactly who he hoped it wasn’t.

Austin took several steps back, ducking behind a tree for a reason he couldn’t quite figure out,  <strike> he was scared, he was too much of a coward to help his love,  </strike> and slid to the roots, sitting there, peeking around the corner. 

And he just sat there for what felt like way too long, listening to the two distinctly different voices call out, words that got progressively clearer but he still couldn’t understand, voices that got more defined but the second remained terrifyingly unrecognizable.

Until he saw a few seconds that confirmed exactly what he was afraid of.

Jeff’s wrist was firmly clasped in the grasp of someone he didn’t recognize, but was definitely a ghost, so it was probably safe to assume it was the Snatcher, who was dragging Jeff, Austin’s best friend, his  _ love,  _ behind him roughly with a strength and force that made bursts of fear and anger explode in Austin. Jeff’s expression was one of fear, or so Austin’s brain told him because there wasn’t any other expression that could really make sense, who could be happy seeing the Snatcher? The Snatcher’s expression was hard to read or process, but he was tall, dark-haired, pale as shit, with piercing yellow eyes that seemed large and expressive. His jaw was defined in a way that added to the overall aesthetic-ness - was that a word? - of his face. Of course, a person who was an utter shitbag would be genuinely pretty. He looked exactly as described-feathery fluff, scaled hands, dark midnight purple suit and gold vest the same color as his eyes. Terrifying. 

Those hands could burn straight through Jeff’s wrist if the Snatcher wanted to.

The only thing stopping him was his own desires.

What kept a being like that from losing it?

Nothing. The Snatcher had already. It showed in every report and legend. The Snatcher had lost it. 

Wait. Did this have anything to do with the long-sleeved shirts Jeff kept wearing lately? Had the ghost been hurting him? As some sort of punishment

A new wave of anger passed as the two disappeared into the trees, and Austin sat. And did nothing but watch them go, stewing in fear, shock, worry, and anger. 

The sun was much lower by the time he dragged himself out of the gaping pit of his thoughts, crushed under the weight of new discoveries. Was Jeff okay? What could he do to get Jeff away? What had happened to cause Jeff to meet the Snatcher? (What was he saying? He knew. God, he should have never trusted Jimmy) What was the Snatcher making Jeff do? 

And was this the opening into Jeff’s heart he was looking for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s m a s h that kudos button if you think Luke Yungtown is aesthetically pleasing
> 
> also uhhh even at this point this is not healthy i hope thats obvious.


	4. Wrong Side Of The Train Tracks

Caddy pulled his jacket tighter around him, watching leaves detach and fall from trees around him. He hadn’t expected it to be so cold today. Then again, it was fall time here, so he should've expected it. He’d forgotten that it got bitterly cold very quickly in places like North America and Europe. 

The leaves crunched away under his feet as he shoved his gloveless hands into his pockets and pressed onward, occasional gusts of wind sending leaves flying across the ground. He wished now more than ever that he was back home in Asagao. 

He walked past trees and trees so tempted to take the branches off and set them on fire, but he was on a mission and wasn't sure how to even do it. He did keep his guns on his leg holsters, so he could just shoot them till they light. But that might be too dangerous. And possibly not possible. He just continued on to find what he was here for. 

Glancing around the woods, nothing really seemed out of the ordinary. That was, until his eyes glanced over a particular willow tree and he had to take a double-take. 

The bark of the tree was deeply scarred, leaving rotting, festering wood visible, dark and festering with maggots. A shred of fabric was caught on a small branch near the rotting wood, also torn and ragged with visible decay. 

He walked closer to the tree and pulled down the fabric. Blood was still dry on it. There wasn't much, so it was probably just a scratch. He looked around at the other trees near it to see if there was anything else like this. 

As far as he could see, he was looking at the only abnormal tree.

...Weird. 

He stuffed the fabric and a small shred of bark that he tore from the tree into his bag for further investigation. 

He continued on, figuring he'd get back to the tree later. Right now he was going to find his friend. He went deeper and deeper with not much luck. Where the hell was he supposed to be? He figured he'd just find him running around in the trees or something like a raccoon. 

...God, those stories were weird as hell. 

The thought seemed ironic when he noticed a series of ropes along a patch of leaf-covered ground. 

Here’s the bastard. 

He searched the ground and tossed a fairly large rock into the series of ropes. As expected, a net sprung up around it. A trap.

Suddenly, the stories seemed like they might be a bit too close to reality for his taste.

He was almost terrified. Of all the scary things he encountered, this was the scariest. Because this was supposed to be his friend.

Shaking his head, Caddy pushed himself onward, telling himself it was fine, there was probably another completely reasonable explanation. Maybe there were hunters in this forest. 

That didn’t stop him from stepping a little more cautiously now.

That is until he gets careless and his ankle is caught in a net, throwing him up into the air quickly before his ankle loosens itself from the ropes via the magic of gravity and he plunged to the ground. 

Adrenaline and primal instincts took over and he was running before he could even process what had just happened. 

A jarring, harsh, close to familiar voice broke through the near silence of all. “Hey! Where do you think you’re going?”

He turned, slowing, and  _ shit, it’s him, it’s the face he sees in the missing section of newspapers. Somehow, it’s him.  _ Him, but older, easily mid-twenties and fucking dead. 

What the hell?!

The ghost raised a hand, yellow eyes fixated unwaveringly on Caddy.

So he panicked. And ran. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddd this is short sorry it took so long I've been unmotivated as hell
> 
> Comments always appreciated


	5. Blue Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a songfic and went fuck it and turned it into a chapter
> 
> its based off this song- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIWbgR4vYiw

_ I'm so tired of being alone _

  
  


That thought made him feel guilty. Cardinal wasn’t alone, not really. He had the Subconites, but they’d be scared of him if they could die. Hell, some were scared of him anyway. They stuck around because it was safe, and there were a few that had done anything they could to avoid him ever since they showed up.

Really, it was lonely. He was alone a lot. He kept himself busy to avoid his thoughts, but when he actually took a moment to not fill with whatever, or when he was trying to fall asleep on the occasions he let himself sleep, it tore through his mind.

He’d gotten a little contact recently with someone he could actually begin to think was actually there because he wanted to be there.

And that became one of the things he thought about when he fell asleep. A bit more pleasant than his internal torment and trauma.

  
  


_ These penitent walls are all I've known _

  
  


He thought the more… pleasant… parts of his life were beginning to fade from his memories. Fading from his mental connotation of the woods: companionship, comfort, the eye of the hurricane that was his life to something new and much darker. Fear. Pain. Paranoia.

In the forty-five years, he’d been in the forest, Cardinal had never felt truly safe. Or okay. 

It was weird to think he might be progressing towards that a bit more now.

  
  


_ Songbird calling across the water _

  
  


It really was weird to think about. Forty-five years had passed. He still had nightmares. He still had migraines and panic attacks. Nothing about that had really changed.

Except he had hope now. Hope that maybe something in his life would be okay.

Jeff was hope.

He could make things better. Someone believed in him. Someone cared. Someone thought he could recover.

_ Inside my silent asylum _

  
  


Being around Jeff and how he generally felt afterward were steps forward he needed, but being alone with his mind afterward felt like twice as many steps backward.

He’d think about what he’d said, about what Jeff had done, about anything either of them had done. And he wouldn’t stop. His mind would replay moments until the words and tone distorted to the point Cardinal couldn’t begin to believe it had once been something positive and comforting.

But somehow, there was always that aura of comfort and peace associated with Jeff. 

  
  


_ Oh don't leave me on my own _

  
  


When Jeff came back, the overthinking-was Cardinal capable of any other kind of thinking?-and fear faded, and he swears to whatever god may or may not be out there that everything about him fucking  _ melts  _ when he sees Jeff approaching. He actually has to take a second to physically restrain himself from… he doesn’t know, swooning like a rom-com protagonist or something. 

He’s a disaster.

He’s also going to choose not to think about the last sentence despite overthinking every other part of his life.

  
  


_ Left me standing all alone _

  
  


What is it about Jeff that makes everything suddenly seem so easy? He gives off an aura of understanding and a complete lack of judgment. There’s still so much Cardinal hasn’t told Jeff, but the possibility of that being something he could come to trust someone with seems like its no longer as far as the closest habitable planet.

The thought terrifies him.

Putting his heart into someone else’s hands has never gone well. He can’t do it again.

  
  


_ Cut me down to size so I can fit inside _

  
  


Despite all that, trauma and trust issues and fear, he wants to fit into Jeff’s life. In some way, he wants to be important to him. He can’t tell if he is. Yeah, Jeff shows up, but does he think of Cardinal like Cardinal thinks of him? Does Jeff actually value him?

There are a lot of things that terrify him, but that’s definitely up there.

  
  


_ Lies that will divide us both in time _

  
  


He’s so fucking scared all the time.

  
  


_ See the turncoat on his knees _

  
  


He’s scared of the strange amalgamation of emotions he feels towards his friend.  Friend. God, that’s weird to think about.  It’s like this skinny fish motherfucker marched into his life and turned his six-inch thick steel walls into clay and tore through them with ease, and he didn’t know whether or not he had a problem with that. 

It was like when he saw the first leaves of spring peek out from the trees and the first colorful flowers bloom after the harsh chill and snowfall of winter, and suddenly everything was beautiful and new.

It was like the harder days out here, when everything hurt and he just wanted to feel nothing, but he couldn’t because he needed to make sure nothing had happened and he was safe, but in general everything sucked, he had a headache and was seconds away from laying in the dirt and having a mental breakdown, but he found a pretty rock or a colorful flower, and for a second everything was a little less completely awful.

It was like…

It was like Joseph.

  
  


_ A vagabond that no one sees _

  
  


Oh.

_ Oh. _

It’s exactly like Joseph, isn’t it? 

Fuck, it’s that again. He thought he could ignore it and it would go away, but he can’t, can he?

  
  


_ When a moon is throwing shadows _

  
  


This is the last thing he needs. He’s never told anyone about this. Nobody can ever find out about this. He’s not supposed to feel like this. Fuck.

He can’t think about this. He doesn’t know what to do about this

Cardinal knows there’s no way he could possibly give up the one person in his life who’s this important, but what if he ends up doing something and Jeff leaves and doesn’t come back? What if he finds out and hates him? 

Regardless of however Cardinal feels about Jeff, he’s scared to lose him.

  
  


_ You can't save the ones you've caught in battle _

  
  


He thinks he needs to lay down. 

  
  


_ Oh don't leave me on my own _

  
  


And it’s like a floodgate breaks

His mind strays and within minutes he can’t think of anything but Jeff, that fish bastard who constantly dresses like a technicolor wonder and doesn’t give a single shit. Who at least tries to understand him, who, for whatever reason, treats him like a human being. 

Who actually hugged him, who brought Cardinal blankets and cocoa because he thought he’d be cold.

  
  


_ Left me standing all alone _

  
  


He gets lost in stupid fantasies, hand-holding and cheek kisses, stroking Jeff’s face and telling him how much he means to Cardinal without feeling stupid or anxious. 

It all sounds too good to be true, probably because it is. It’s too good. It’s not true. It probably won’t ever.

Jeff’s not here. He’s on Thanksgiving break, visiting his family, enjoying all the things that come with Thanksgiving. Like thanks. And giving. Cardinal can’t remember what people do on Thanksgiving.

He’s not Cardinal, who’s thinking lying on the cold dirty floor of his house would be so much better if there he was being cuddled with. 

Cardinal is alone. Eventually, he’ll be alone again. For good.

  
  


_ Cut me down to size so I can fit inside _

  
  


And really, what can he do about that? 

  
  


_ Lies you try to hide behind your eyes _

  
  


What’s the point of getting close to someone? They’ll either die or leave him behind.

  
  


_ Don't leave me on my own _

_ Don't leave me on my own _

  
  


Letting himself have Jeff as a friend was a mistake. Letting himself have companionship was a mistake. 

It would just make it more painful to be alone again.

  
  


_ So cut me down to size so I can fit inside _

_ Lies that will divide us both in time _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated more than life itself!


	6. And I Know I'm Gonna Make Her Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is exactly 200 words of what I had planned going off the rails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally gonna have slow descent into insanity or whatever but ive written enough of that shit already so have 200 words I wrote to Girl by Beck on repeat and it shows

Austin has not stopped thinking about him. 

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Everything about him. The way he smiles. The way he laughs. The way he does his hair. The way he dresses. The way he smells. The way he starts sleeping on his back but turns onto his side about halfway through the night.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Nothing about life really matters to Austin that much anymore. He goes to class to see him. His notebooks are filled with his name and drawings of him. Sometimes them. Together.

That’s all he wants. 

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

What even matters if he’s something Austin can’t have? They would be perfect together.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

It’s been a long time since he’s spoken to a lot of people, but he can hardly stand most of his “friends” now. They’re talking to him too much. Austin wants to be the only one he cares about. He wants to be his everything. He is already Austin’s everything. Is it so much to ask?

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

Someday Austin will have him all to himself. Someday. Someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This children is what we call unhealthy love


	7. In A Sea Change Nothing Is Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 3 consecutive punches to the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh title is from Little One by Beck god tier song make me cry
> 
> Also uh due to reasons that are a long story but not actually that bad I'm replacing Dean with Dodger sorry fellas

There’s blood everywhere. 

It’s soaked into the carpet, a harsh red-stained into soft white. It’s smeared on walls, trailed across floors. It’s everywhere. 

Dodger swallowed, forcing down fear and old memories. Just 20 minutes ago she had been texted to come here, surely this must mean that Lesley was still alive, maybe this just meant that she’d been hurt but needed help. This didn’t have to mean that another person was dead. 

Bailey slid into the house beside her, stiffening and hissing at the sight of blood. His eyes traveled the length of the deep red stain. “Not another…” He whispered softly.

“We-we don’t know!” She croaked. “She could just be-she could just be hurt!” Dodger had to tell herself that. She couldn’t handle another person dying after she came here.

Bailey gave her a look, no doubt sympathetic. He knew it was unlikely. They both did. It was just that she wasn’t ready to accept it. 

Taking a deep breath, she began to step further into the apartment. It was fine, she told herself. It was fine.

It was eerie how normal the apartment looked despite the bloodstains lining the floors. The table and counters were a bit cluttered, cups and small heaps of multicolored papers and magazines heaped at the edges. There was a sliced and half-eaten apple on the table, the knife simply laying beside it. The bedroom was devoid of life, but just as cluttered as any ordinary bedroom. Nothing special about the apartment, nothing that said, “Hey! Someone died here!”

Maybe it was wishful thinking. 

She swallowed, finally confronting where the trail ended. A closed, but not locked bathroom door. White, with that strange wood pattern still in it. Bronze doorknob. A path of red leading under it. 

It had never taken so much courage to swing a bathroom door open. 

The cool breezes of twilight blew through an open window, where crickets could be heard chirping despite the fresh blood on black and white tiles and the body of a young woman laid, the skin of her hands blackened and charred from what reminded Dodger of overexertion of magic. Her eyes stared at nothing. Her fingers had bent and stiffened. Bloody splotches bloomed from her chest, thigh, shoulder. She was dead.

Another person, another mage at that, dead since Dodger had come here. The latest on the path of blood.

With a muffled noise, she turned, desperate to look at anything other than the body, and found herself staring out the window.

Caught on a metal piece of the fire escape was a piece of pale, icy blue silk. 

  
  
  
  


“So, uh, I’ve got my midterms soon.” Despite the patches of snow that he could see throughout Subcon, the path they were walking on was completely devoid of any sort of snow. Thankfully. He didn’t have any sort of snowshoes yet. “I might not be able to come here as often, which sucks, because I just got back from Thanksgiving break, and I like being here, but I gotta study.”

“If you want and can, uh, you can come here,” Cardinal mumbled, “but only if you wanna.”

Jeff glanced over at him. Despite the cold, the ghost had his coat jacket unbuttoned, hands casually shoved into his pockets. Cardinal’s hair looked messy but in an intentional, tousled sort of way. It dangled in front of his eyes, the golden glow of which no longer seemed threatening. More soft and warm, like a fireplace in wintertime. There was an unexpected softness to his expression, a gentleness, something that made his heart flutter. Right now, he walked with a sort of openness that made the walk feel about ten times as intimate. 

“Aren’t your hands cold?” Cardinal asked. 

Jeff glanced at his left hand, dangling at his side, unlike his right hand, tucked into his coat pocket. “Yeah?”

Cardinal glanced at him, an amused sort of curiosity on his face. And then, exactly as hoped, he reached out and clasped Jeff’s waiting hand.

“This better?”

Jeff nodded, certain he was at least a little pink. “Yep! Sure is!” 

He chuckled, falling into step with Jeff as they continued. 

“Before I died,” Began the ghost, “I used to come here with some friends of mine.” An expression of nostalgia took over his face, and he seemed to alternate between gazing at Jeff’s face and staring longingly into the distance. “We’d just come here, usually late at night. Those nights helped me through a lot. Bit of an eye of the hurricane.” 

Jeff listened to his words intently. “What kind of things did you do?”

“I dunno. Talked a lot of the time. Other than that, whatever tomfoolery we could get up to. Stuff like that’s probably half the reason I could climb trees so well long before I lived here out of obligation.” He smiled, a real smile, and his eyes didn’t seem to be entirely present. He was likely reliving some sort of precious memory.

“Quick question-did you just unironically use the word ‘tomfoolery?’”

Cardinal glanced at him, looking puzzled. “Uh, yeah? Why?”

Jeff smiled. “No reason! I will, however, be cherishing the knowledge you did for the rest of my life!”

“Do… people not use that anymore?”

Jeff considered his words for a moment. “Yes, but change nothing, use of really old slang is really cute on you.” 

Cardinal looked kind of pink and very confused. “Anyway, uh, yeah. I miss having that. Unfortunate that those memories had to be… soured… by living here alone for so long.”

“Yeah…” Jeff paused. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

Cardinal smiled slightly. “Thank you for being willing to listen.”

Suddenly, he’s very aware that they’re staring at each other. And it doesn’t bother him, the beautiful gold eyes are staring just as deeply into his eyes as he is into them. They’re inches away from each other, just inches, he can feel his face burning and he can see the pink that Cardinal’s cheeks have turned. With a shock, he realized how natural it would feel to lean just a bit forward and kiss him. Cardinal’s realized this too, but he looks a little more… scared. 

And then a twig snapped, Cardinal glances upward, and suddenly, in several smooth movements, he’s on the ground, looking up and a crossbow bolt that would have probably gone through the back of his head. For a moment, the ghost is on top of him, but he quickly springs up, darting off, knife already in hand- _ since when did he have those on his person?  _

Oh god. There are so many of them. Even with his obvious skill, there’s no way Cardinal can handle it. And there’s not much Jeff can do to help, is there?

Fuck. 

He gazed around, close to frantic. There’s not much here. Trees. Leaves. Dirt. River. S- _ Wait _ . He looked back at the river. Cardinal was a ghost, he probably couldn’t die twice… and Jeff…

He subconsciously rubbed the scales on his wrists. The river was frozen, but surely the ice couldn’t be that thick.

He sprinted over to the river, crouched beside it, and punched the ice. If anything shattered, it was his knuckles, he realized. Clearly this ice was thicker than he thought. 

A hand laid on his shoulder, causing him to look up. “Are you okay? Did any of them get to you?”

“I’m fine. You’re bleeding.” Cardinal blinked, touching his forehead and seeming honestly surprised when his fingers came back red. “Anyway, uh, do you still need to breathe?”

Cardinal shot him a look. “No, but is this really the time?”

Jeff motioned to the icy river. “You don’t need to breathe and I have gills.”

Understanding passed over his face. He raised one of his knives over his head and slammed into the ice. And it barely cracked. 

Fuck. Jeff glanced back, realizing that one of the cloaked people was a matter of seconds from them, a goddamn sword in their hands. 

Cardinal had taken to slamming his entire person into the ice, which was starting to crack more, but not enough. 

“Move!” The silver blade Jeff had just seen slammed into the ice beside them, doing a lot more progress in an instant than they’d been able to do in about a minute. 

Cardinal seemed oddly unphased, simply starting to toss chunks of ice out of the way, as Jeff stared up at the cloaked person. Wavy red hair went down to their shoulders. They looked to be both middle-aged and almost completely androgynous. 

“For the record,” Cardinal hissed, once enough ice was cleared away for a person to slide into the river. “I still don’t trust you, Alba.”

“That’s completely fair.”

Cardinal gripped Jeff’s wrist, and Jeff threw himself at the water, dragging the ghost with him. 

  
  
  


“Were you ever planning on telling me that you turn into a goddamn fish person sometimes, or was I just supposed to find that out myself?” 

Jeff didn’t think Cardinal was actually mad, especially when their hands were woven together under the small heap of blankets they were sharing. 

“Never came up.” He scooted closer, hoping to lean on his shoulder. Cardinal wrapped an arm around his back, which he took as an invitation to lean. He was comfortable to lay on. This was nice. His feathers were soft, very soft, and tickles his face a bit. Very eerie appearance-wise, but soft and nice when you got close. Like the rest of him. His hair still looks kinda fluffy despite the fact they’re both completely soaked from being in a river for several minutes. 

He should be cold, but maybe it’s the blankets or Cardinal that make his face feel so warm. 


	8. Come A Little Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hee hoo hee hoo

Caddy looked out at the bed, where all his supplies were spread out. He didn’t need to bring all of it; he was just planning on taking a closer look around the town. But this place was weird-first day here, he’d seen a news story about a murder, and apparently magic was just a thing here? - and there was no harm in being a little cautious. 

It was unlikely he could even fit all this in one backpack anyway, so it was just a matter of decisions. He gazed over the array of short, steel blades, several folded maps, a flashlight and a pack of extra batteries, a set of matches, a few packs of dried fruit and jerky, a coil of rope, Several water bottles, several pens and several notebooks in varying states of being filled. And then some more unusual items that he doubted would be nessicary. 

Slipping a short knife into his boot, he decided that would have to do in the realm of self-defense. Otherwise, he decided to stop overthinking it, tossing a water bottle and his wallet into his bag and straightened his jacket before leaving. 

He hoped that choice wouldn’t bite him in the ass. 

Leaving the room and heading down the hallway, the ordinary brown walls and carpet blurred past as he hurried towards the elevator. Why had he overthought this so much? The hotel was near empty, and the Starbucks he was heading towards was just across the street. It was broad daylight. What was he expecting, to get hit by a meteor? If he got hit by a meteor, God himself was probably intervening and his destiny had been completed. 

The street was just the right amount of busy. No crowds, but if he got murdered there would be witnesses. The crossing took an annoying amount of time, but the Starbucks smelled nice and he could stand to not be in his hotel room again. At some point, someone was going to find it weird a sixteen-year-old was staying on his own, and he wasn’t sure if staying in it or moving around lots would make him less noticeable. 

Though it looked like any other Starbucks, it felt safer than the average Starbucks. The only people in it were exhausted High School and College students and people in their 20’s and 30’s who were dressed semiformally and looked friendly enough. He ordered a butterscotch latte and a sandwich and went to go sit in a booth and glare angrily at anyone who looked at him like the angsty teen he was. The sandwich he would admit was pretty good. Just a grilled cheese, but he, like anyone with a soul, enjoyed a good cheese. 

A group of college-age people entered, talking about something he couldn’t hear much of. He decided he was going to shirk the duty of analyzing every last person he saw in favor of looking at his phone. He noticed several new texts.

**Moose**

we miss you. 

Caddy winced. ‘We’ would have once meant all of Hidden Block, but ‘We’ now meant Ian and Wallid. Luke, Jeff, and Jimmy were… victims of the sudden disappearance of half the school. But, of course, that’s why he was here. 

There were a few texts from the group chat that made up the remains of Hidden Block and Normal Boots, but they were mundane. Jirard, trying to distract from the events surrounding them like the sweetheart he was, had invited everyone to come with him to get food the following Sunday. God, bless Jirard’s heart.

He began typing a halfhearted reply to Ian, interrupted by when the small hoard of college kids slid into the seats next to him and- _ holyshitthatwasJimmy’svoice _

“You just posted cringe, Mai! You are going to loose subscriber!”

_ No way. _

“You come into my house and tell me your soggy purple bread is the correct way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?!” Mai’s voice sneers. “You disgust me, Jimmy!”

He quietly turned and was met with the sight of Mai, Hana, Jeff, and Jimmy, sitting with someone he recognized from the soccer team. Dodger? That felt right. But they were all anywhere from four to six years older, and everything about them held a sort of difference. They were the same people, but not the s _ ame  _ people. He didn’t know how he could tell that. Intuition or something. 

Hana’s soft voice piped up, “I don’t like jelly.” 

Mai replied in an affectionate voice. “I know, my darling flower blossom, and that’s so much more acceptable than  _ your soggy purple bread!” _

“You’re losing subscriber, Mai! How can you think purple bread is unacceptable when if you put peanut butter on both slices and jelly in the middle, you basically get mouthfuls of peanut butter and nothing else!”

At Asagao, there was an ongoing investigation of more than a hundred students who’d disappeared without a trace and five of them are  _ here?  _ Having a debate over the best method of making a PB&J sandwich?

“You’ve been quiet, Jeff.” Prompted Hana, which made Mai laugh.

Jeff chuckled awkwardly. “I feel like I’ll get burned at the stake if I say I just toast my bread.”

Mai threw a plastic spoon at Jeff, which bounced off his head onto the floor. “You’re the most disgusting out of all of us.”

“Hey, man! At least I’m not Austin! The man uses that stuff Jif makes that’s peanut butter and jelly in the same jar!”

_ Austin was here too?! _

Jimmy made a gagging sound. “I suppose I can forgive you all for your sandwich sins, but I’m eating Austin’s kneecaps next time I see him.”

With shaking hands, he disposed of his trash and nearly ran from the building, in desperate need of privacy to process. That was five of the missing-six if you included Austin, and seven if you included... he winced as he thought about it- who were here. In this town. Were there more nearby? Why were they here? How were they here? This didn’t make any sense...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appreciated....


	9. Sharpen Your Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Wilfred Cursed Ones Voice* This has been a rollercoaster of emotions hasn't it
> 
> minor austin being bastard warning

The funny thing was? No matter how much he denied it to a very confused Austin, he knew exactly why he was trying to look so nice. Sure, he was probably still just friends with Cardinal, but he wanted the ghost to see him not looking like trash for once. But also not look too unusually formal. And tan pants, a nice looking light gray sweater, and dress shoes were apparently the best thing he could think of. 

And it probably said something about him that Austin walked into the room as he was looking through his drawers for socks and immediately knew it was a special occasion. 

“Why do you look so nice?”

Jeff blinked, hesitating. “Am I not allowed to simply dress alright for once?” 

Austin shrugged, eyeing him in a borderline analytical way, halfway between someone looking at a chair they thought might look nice in their living room and a small child looking at a puppy they wanted to adopt. As much as he didn’t like to admit it, the stare somehow felt borderline dehumanizing. “I dunno. You don’t usually dress this nicely unless you’re going out with someone. And you haven’t done that much since senior year when you and Paul broke up.” 

Sighing, Jeff began to dig around in his drawers. He had a makeup bag around here somewhere. “Dude, I told you Paul and I were on good terms. I don’t know why you go so crazy over it.” He finally found the plain beige bag and tossed it towards his duffle bag. “Besides, I’m not going out with anyone.”

Only now does Austin seem to notice the duffle bag, open and half-full on the gray and blue blankets covering Jeff’s bed, looking at it like some strange feral animal. “Wha-I thought you were staying here over break?” 

Jeff glanced up, confused. “I told you and Jimmy that my plans had changed last week?” He glanced around the room, trying to see if he’d forgotten anything. “I’m going to visit my family.” A lie. Most of his family is visiting a certain relative he’s currently not on the best terms with due to the fact he’s not straight and that particular relative has chosen to be homophobic and awful about it. So he’s staying with Cardinal.

Austin responded with a simple “Huh.” 

Yeah, that definitely made him more uncomfortable than he had vocalized. But it wasn’t that big of a deal, no need to make it such. He shrugged, stepping over to his duffle bag, shoving things into pockets that may or may not have been made to hold them. 

“When are you leaving?” Austin called over to him.

Jeff shrugged. “A few hours.”

“Oh.” Came the reply, a strange edge to Austin’s voice. “Sooner than I expected.”

Jeff gave him a confused sort of half-smile and chuckled in response. “We got out four days ago and like two-thirds of the campus is…” He trailed off. Austin was staring at him with genuine annoyance. Borderline anger. Turning back around, he stared down at his hands. Had he fucked up? What had he done wrong? Austin wasn’t irrational, he’d clearly done something… 

“I wish you’d stay for a few more days.” Austin drew out his words, a slight whine to his voice that made him feel even colder and his hands grow more sweaty.

Jeff laughed awkwardly, failing to hide his discomfort and rising panic along with failing to diffuse the strange tension in the room. Wait, why was it tense? When had that happened? God, Jeff had probably said something wrong and he couldn’t even  _ tell what it was… _

Silence fell over the room. It felt like hours, but it probably wasn’t more than a minute before Jeff returned to packing, this time in silence, trying to ignore the rising anxiety. Austin’s eyes drilled holes into his back, but when he turned back around, he was gone.

...What the fuck?

Suddenly, the thought of a cabin in the woods surrounded by the possibility of dying felt a whole lot safer than here.

  
  
  


There was snow in his shoes but at least he looked kinda nice. Cardinal had noticed too, the glances in his direction were very noticeable and seeing Cardinal’s pink cheeks made his heart flutter. He wanted to reach for Cardinal’s hand, but his hands were sweaty enough right now that he’d probably notice. Cardinal wasn’t the only one blushing up a storm, wasn’t he? They weren’t even touching, just casting glances in each other’s direction.

...Who cared, anyway? Cardinal was genuinely nice to look at, in a way that made it hard for his thoughts not to stray into the realms of how much he’d like to run his fingers through his soft burgundy brown hair, or to stare into his dandelion yellow eyes, or to weave his fingers through Cardinals and focus on nothing but the feeling of calloused, leathery skin and smooth scales under his fingers. He wanted to run his fingers over Cardinal’s face, tracing and memorizing the contours of his face under his fingertips. 

Words couldn’t describe how much Jeff just wanted to be his. Fuck the sweaty palms, he was doing this. He reached out, glancing at Cardinal with a smile, gently taking his hand. This wasn’t the first time he’d done this, why did it make him so nervous? 

A small, bashful grin graced Cardinal’s face for a moment but was swept away by an anguished and remorseful expression that drowned out everything else. His hand dropped from Jeff’s, and the pain in Cardinal’s face was contagious, even if tension filled the space between them. 

Jeff didn’t know how to help him. God, he hadn’t been able to even diffuse tension between himself and Austin, how could he even begin to help someone address the trauma that was rooted as deeply as what had happened to Cardinal. 

God damn it, he’d barely tried with Austin, he could try here. Maybe get Cardinal to his cabin, it might be easier to talk to him if they were in a place he was comfortable in. Cardinal had blankets, and Jeff had come prepared with camping gear to survive off hot cocoa for long periods of time. 

The cabin wasn’t that far away. Time to exact his plan. Within twenty minutes, he could have this lovely man seated on his bed, wrapped in blankets, with a cup of hot chocolate. And so it happened, Cardinal accepting what Jeff did with a small dose of confusion that was swept away by the brokenness of his expression. 

Jeff sat down by his side. He began speaking, trying to keep his tone gentle. “What’s hurting you?”

Cardinal didn’t respond.

“I want to help you.” He kept his voice soft. “I know you’ve been hurt. It’s not your fault, but I want to see you recover. I want you to be okay. I know you aren’t right now, but I want you to be okay.”

Silence. His hands grasped the cup with a stiffness, his eyes staring into it but not really seeing. 

“Please, I just need you to talk to me.”

Silence.

Tears were running down Cardinal’s face. Jeff’s eyes went wide. “I’m sor-”

“Don’t.” He sounded so hollow. “Please don’t. I should be apologizing to you. Fo-for talking you into coming here. For putting you in danger so, so much. For somehow tricking you into thinking that I was worth anything, somehow worth enough to be loved.” He looked down at himself, expression filled with deep, pure disgust and loathing. “For all the hurt I’ve caused you in any way. For the time you’ve wasted on me.” The hollowness was turning into a series of hoarse sobs. “I don’t even know how you do it. How can you stand me? I’ve hurt people, badly. There’s an entire town of people who hate me. They think of me as a monster, and you know what? They’re right. They’re so fucking right. I am a monster! How do you willingly stand by the side of someone who’s caused as much hurt as I have?!”

“Cardinal, please-”

He actually seemed to growl in response. Jeff couldn’t remember moving, but they were now both standing, on opposite sides of the room. “I’m a monster, Jeff. How do you justify anything I’ve done?” 

“I know it’s not your fault! You’ve done nothing, not a single thing wrong! You’re completely innocent. I’m so, so sorry it happened to you! I’m so, so sorry that everyone around you chose to paint you, the victim of such horrible things, as the monster that would do them.” 

“I was innocent,” He paused. “But time passed. And I can hardly sleep at night knowing that I’ve hurt people as the Snatcher. God damn it, I threatened and tormented anyone who so much came near these woods. I became a monster, Jeff!”

Jeff wanted nothing more than to run to him and hold him; than to let him cry into his shoulder. But something told him that would make it nothing but worse. “It’s not your fault! You were trying to protect yourself. You were trying to cope.”

“That’s not an excuse, Jeff.”

The room descended into silence. Cardinal was staring at the floor, shame in his face.

“...We’re both wrong.” Jeff spoke suddenly, causing Cardinal to glance up, thoroughly confused. “Listen, you’re right when you say it’s not an excuse. But it’s a reason. What you did wasn’t okay, but you regret it. You’re not a bad person, Cardinal. Hell, I’d say you’re a great one, and you’re so strong to have made it through so much. You can find better ways to cope, healthier ways. Please, give it a chance.”

Silence descended as Jeff stared at Cardinal, who was still standing with his back pressed to the wall, eyes cast downward. Finally, he spoke, voice quiet and vulnerable. “Okay.” He sniffed. “I’ll try.” 

“Can I touch you?”

Cardinal nodded, looking up. He was still in tears.

Jeff approached, wrapping his arms around him, welcoming the ghost’s head when he buried it against Jeff’s neck, soft sobs rocking his body. He simply stood there, letting Cardinal express a fraction of the emotions he knew he had pent up, trying to soothe him in any way he thought would help. 

More than twenty minutes passed before he guided the ghost back to bed, hanging up the velvety suitcoat, embroidered vest, and dress shirt as he was handed them, letting Cardinal lay there, expression a lot less than expected as he straightened his undershirt and let Jeff basically heap blankets onto him. 

He patted the spot beside him, and Jeff returned to his side. A slight sadness had captured his face, however, it wasn’t as strong as it had been. 

Cardinal visibly relaxed as Jeff’s hand pressed to his cheek, thumb wiping away his tears. The tension disappeared from his face. He was visibly leaning into the touch, eyes closed. 

...Weird how they’d been sitting here for less than a minute and Cardinal had already tangled their legs together and Jeff had already shifted Cardinal’s head onto his chest. One of Cardinal’s arms was thrown around his waist, tapping a pattern like a heartbeat onto his side. 

“Hey, Cardinal?” He whispered, Cardinal glancing up in response. “You’re beautiful. You’re goddamn gorgeous, inside and out. I-I love so much about you and I want to see you happy so badly. You’re gentle, compassionate, caring, kind-hearted, and I want to be able to help you more than anything. You can talk to me, Cardinal. It’s okay. I want to help.”

The soft little “Thank you.” was barely audible. A pause followed. “I-I wanna talk to you about something, but I’m… I’m so tired.”

Jeff gently pressed Cardinal’s head back against his chest, fingers in his hair. “Then sleep.”

The pure intimacy of the scene would have been untainted if it weren’t for the fact there was another person witnessing this scene. The gentleness he witnessed was simply kindling, soon to be lit into a bonfire of hatred towards a being he had once feared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Comments?


	10. Barely Get By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this sleep deprived
> 
> tw for Austin being a bastard and mentions of past abuse

Heart pounding, Austin stumbled through the forest, mind filled with things he didn’t want to believe he’d seen but knew he had. Why? Why would Jeff even think about doing something like that? Coming that close to such a complete monster? Touching him? Seemingly willingly? His hands felt grimy simply thinking about it, causing him to wipe his hands on his pants.

He stopped in an unfamiliar patch of woods, leaning against the rough bark of the nearest tree to think. It was dark. Scarily dark, but he barely noticed through the whirlwind of thoughts. He slid down the tree, sitting on and staring into the thick grass that covered the forest floor.

Why? Why would Jeff choose him of all people? That demon? That piece of dirt? He clearly had better options. Austin would do anything for him. Was he not making that clear enough? Maybe if he did, Jeff would see his options, stop treating that trash so well. Revulsion crawled up from his stomach at the thought of Jeff, hand pressed to that monster, the Snatcher’s cheek. Expression so gentle in a way that should never be connected with a creature so purely and utterly evil.

Jeff should be  _ his _ ! That hand should be in his, he should be able to see that face whenever he so desired. He deserved to hold and kiss him like the way Jeff likely let the Snatcher do for no good fucking reason. He deserved to have Jeff, he was better than anything that ghost could offer? What could that ghost offer, other than a drafty-ass cabin in the middle of nowhere? So hard for Austin to get to when he wanted to see him?

He glowered to himself, fingers digging into the wet grass and soft soil. God, it was cold. He didn’t deserve this.

Shivering, he looked up for the first time in several minutes. And immediately jumped away from the tree, bruising his shoulder on the rock he landed on and shouted. Surrounding him were rows and rows of people, but he could barely see them. 

“Who are you?!”

One of the people standing closest to him begins to speak. “We know who you are.”

Austin hesitated. “That-that doesn’t answer my question.”

“And it does not matter who we are. Only why we are here.” There was a pause. “We can help you get what you want. That man. Fabre.”

He glanced away, unsure of how these people could help him. But the thought of Jeff truly being his and only his was… tempting to say the least. For a moment, his mind was swimming with visions of soft, dark ash brown hair, like the browned fall leaves that were layered under the patches of snow around him, almost similar to the soil his fingers were buried in, and warm hazel eyes.

“Okay…? Explain what you mean by that.”

Nobody spoke in response, but he could hear someone approaching. As if on cue, a woman whose entire appearance seemed to contrast the scene around her broke through the small crowd. 

She was short but very thin, with wavy blonde hair, rosy cheeks, and full lips. The dress she wore was fancy, covered in lace and long enough to reach her ankles. It didn’t seem to be very warm, making him wonder how she could handle the weather. On the fourth finger of her right hand sat an intricate and fancy ring he could see even from that distance.

“Oh, it’s lovely to finally meet you! I know a lot about you, especially when it comes to that, uh, what’s his name, Jeff, correct?”

Austin nodded. “You can help me?”

She laughed. “Oh, right to the point, huh?” She peered down at him, pale blue eyes suddenly unsettling. “Well, it has come to my attention that our goals are stunningly similar, to say the least. You see, your Jeff seems to be trying to take something from me,” The word take was uttered through gritted teeth. “And we can’t stand for that, can we?”

“You want the ghost.” 

Her eyes glittered. “Oh, you’re a smart one, aren’t you?” She sighed slightly, smiling and gazing at the sky before snapping back to attention. “Well, that ghost- I think they call him Snatcher now- is getting a bit too close to your Jeff for my taste, and I want my ghost back as much as I’m sure you want Fabre. If you get me the ghost,  _ I  _ have friends that will make that Jeff never even  _ think _ of anyone else again!”

He didn’t even hesitate before replying. “What do you want me to do? Kill him?”

A deep frown crossed her face and for a moment a piercing glare was sent his direction. “Ah, well, normally I’d slit your throat for even  _ suggesting _ such a thing, but seeing as these idiots,” She motioned to the people around her. “Are so incompetent that in forty-five- can you believe it?  _ Forty-five!-  _ years they haven’t made a single inch of progress, I’ll allow it.”

A thought-filled moment passed. “Do you have what I need? And how do I know I can trust you?”

“Ooooh! Lots of questions!” She giggled. “How about this? We get out of this  _ horrible  _ cold and discuss this somewhere a tad warmer.”

Hesitating only a second, he nodded.

  
  
  


Well, this wasn’t what he expected to see when Jeff decided he was going to sneak out and buy them food because, god damn it, his boy(?) was sad and he thought they both deserved something. But before he made it into the woods, he found Cardinal, staring into his hands on the ground outside the cabin, and felt like his services might be of greater use here. 

A gust of early morning wind blew through the trees as he approached, ruffling Cardinal’s hair as he got closer. As he sat, Cardinal didn’t do anything to acknowledge him other than set a hand on Jeff’s knee, as if he was trying to convince himself Jeff was really there. After a moment, he started speaking. “There are things I need to talk to you about.”

“Okay. Take all the time you need.” 

Cardinal breathed deeply, gaze drifting as if he was figuring out how he was going to word things. After several seconds, he began speaking. “When I was eighteen, I was essentially… kicked out and forced to survive on my own. My, uh, parents did that with all of my siblings but for a good, uh, twelve? I think twelve years, I barely left the house because my family was scared something would happen to me because of, y’know, all this?” He paused, leaning slightly. 

“It would be a lot harder for you to survive, wouldn’t it…”

He nodded. “My siblings could save up beforehand but, uh, I didn’t even get that chance. Even with the money they gave me, I barely stood a chance. I barely had any social skills, I didn’t have any applicable skills… I don’t know. It was rough.” It was almost surprising that his tone never turned bitter. “I was extremely destitute. Could barely pay to live. I was homeless for, uh, a-a year? I think a year. I can’t remember. It was a long time ago.”

Cardinal swallowed, leaning forward, expression distorted. “I-god, I thought I was so lucky, I was such an idiot- I was trying to get to another town on foot. It got late. A pastor offered me a ride to the next town, and I was so  _ tired _ I just said yes, no thought about it. He brought me to the town, offered to help me back onto my feet, find me a place to stay; he said it was what the Lord wanted of him or some shit. I, god, I thought I was so fucking  _ lucky _ .” His head fell into his hands, words interrupted by sobs.

“If you want to stop talking at any time, I can’t stress this enough, you should.”

He shook his head. “I need to tell someone; I can’t do this on my own anymore.”

“Okay,” Jeff responded. “Just take your time.”

Cardinal breathed deeply, leaning against Jeff even more heavily. “He had a daughter. We were, uh, friends, I guess, for a few months. She was one of the few people who actively tried to talk to me and it felt good to be wanted. People were pretty nice there, but in the kind of way where, uh. I think they just felt bad for me. Except for this older lady who thought I might be literal hellspawn because my eyes were yellow. That was the one thing I struggled to hide.” He seemed to half-smile for a moment, but it quickly faded. “I ended up going out with the girl, mostly the work of two of our friends,” Each word seemed to bring him closer to tears. “Probably ‘cause I was too much of a repressed idiot to realize I was,” His voice broke. “G-gay and it-it was set up to fail but god, it was so, so much worse than it could have been.”

“She-She hurt me. In a lot of ways. Started small. She’d nitpick everything I did, she’d gaslight me, she’d guilt trip me. Anything she thought would get me to act the way she idealized. I-It was a weird conservative area at the time, and she wanted a nuclear family, and she wanted me to be the perfect idealized husband she wanted.” He paused, wiping a hand across his cheek. “I was a gay man and I had all this shit and it was the seventies and everything was weird and people were introducing new ideas everywhere I looked. I couldn’t be what she wanted, so it got worse.”

Seemingly without thought, Cardinal slammed his hands into the dirt, scratching gashes into it and almost instantly liquifying the grass he touched, but he seemed not to notice. “She got involved in some weird shit, because it was okay for her to think freely and not me, and I was just supposed to watch as she involved herself with what was basically Satanism. I was supposed to be okay if I was collateral damage. Then stuff happened, I got a little too self-aware, and,” He hesitated. “The rest is history, as they say, I guess.”

“I-god, I don’t know, I’m not okay and I need your help.” Every few words were punctuated by a sob. 

Jeff lifted himself, moving over to cradle Cardinal’s face and pull him against him, “God, Cardinal, tell me her name, I’m gonna fucking kill her.”

“S-she’s dead.” Jeff relaxed his grip somewhat. “Or she was,” Cardinal flung his arms around Jeff’s neck, and whimpered, “They fucking brought her back!”


	11. :orb:

“Uh.” Jeff stared at the child, and the child stared at him. “Is there supposed to be a child in your forest?”

The child sputtered indignantly. “I am  _ not _ a child! I’m sixteen!”

Jeff gave the child a look. “You’re basically a baby.” He returned to calling to Cardinal. “What do I do about a child?”

“A  _ what _ ?” Cardinal approached, suddenly stopping when he saw what was happening. “Oh. Would you look at that. It is a  _ kid _ .”

The kid bristled. “I am not a kid! I am old enough to drive!”

“He’s a baby. What do we do about a baby.” 

Cardinal wrapped an arm around Jeff’s shoulders. “Do you want kids? Is this how people get kids?” 

Jeff returned the arm. “Probably, but isn’t that a big step in our relationship?” 

Seeing Cardinal go a bit pink and look down sparked joy. The child groaned. The child seemed to be boring, seeing as he did not think it sparked joy.

“Nice to see you again, child.” The ghost turned to the strange kid. “Glad you aren’t running like last time.”

Jeff glanced over. “You know the child?”

“Yeah, showed up a while ago. Didn’t say anything to him. He ran.” 

“Aww, he’s not that scary.” Jeff grabbed Carinal’s face, squishing it with one hand. “Not really, right?”

The kid snorted. “I wasn’t  _ scared _ .” He added.

“Anyway, kid, what are you doing here?” 

He straightened. “I’ve been investigating!”

Jeff couldn’t help but snicker. “And what have you been investigating, sixteen year old who can’t even legally get his own hotel room?”

He bristled, eyes blazing, but also clearly equally determined to prove his adult-ness to these two cool adults. “I found out there are a bunch of murders! And a wierd-ass ghost! I found him!” He pointed at Cardinal. 

“All that is kind of common knowledge around here, kiddo.”

The child sputtered. “You didn’t let me finish! There’s also a cult! And they’re trying to hunt down that guy cause some crazy lady and her demons want him!”

There was suddenly palpable tension in the air, crackling between them. Cardinal’s eyes darkened, suddenly visibly closing in on himself. Jeff stepped closer to him, not touching, but the signal of support was met with visible gratitude.

Jeff spoke for both of them. “You should leave.”

“But why?” There was a slight whine to his voice. “I could find out so much more by staying.”

Cardinal’s eyes closed and he winced slightly. It was a bit startling that this was what made Jeff snap, but the kid was being so pretentious he didn’t really care. “ _ Listen _ . You need to leave because it’s not your  _ fucking business _ . You have no place digging in his life, especially if he doesn’t want you digging around in it. Go to a fucking library or get on fucking google if you want to do research, don’t go digging around into things you can’t understand.”

The kid’s mouth fell open slightly, and after several moments, silently turned to walk away. 

The first thing Jeff did was turn, grabbing Cardinal’s hands. “Are you okay?”

He silently shook his head.

Concern seized him and it resulted in Cardinal being rushed back and thrown into bed under a small mountain of blankets. And immediately throwing himself down beside him and wrapping his arms around his waist without a thought as to whether or not it was weird his first instinct was to start spooning him but a lot of thoughts towards if he should try something else to help him.

“You okay?”

“It’s really starting to occur to me how easily people could find out so much about me.” His words are little more than a whisper. “I-god-I don’t want people to know anything about me. I might end up miserable in this goddamn forest for eternity, and people are gonna know about me forever and it’s going to be a curse if I try talking to people to make it bearable.”

“I don’t know what to say. I guess-Regardless of any of that, you have me. There’s always a chance another person new enough here to not know anything about you could come.” Though he said the words with confidence, the thought he might be replaced wasn’t exactly something he was thrilled about. Would someone else know what to say to him?

Cardinal audibly sighed “I know, but so many people know about me. I-it feels intrusive.”

Sparks of guilt traveled through him. Wasn’t he supposed to know what to say to this? Austin had always expected it of him. He’d always said he was good at it. If he really was, shouldn’t he be able to comfort him over this?

“I’m… sorry. I don’t know what to say to you about that.”

Cardinal didn’t reply, and Jeff was convinced he couldn’t feel guiltier, more like he’d failed Cardinal.

Minutes ticked by, and after what felt like an hour, Cardinal’s breathing slowed, as if he’d fallen asleep. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m supposed to be able to know what to say.” He could barely hear his own words in the silent room. 

Feeling cold, he unwound himself from Cardinal and turned over. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is up i am so fucking sad


End file.
